A New Adventure

To post here or not to post? There are two journals I have been keeping and I don't know why I should do another one. Perhaps because this one allows tags and perhaps some of what I share might help someone on their journey.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/duanemonson/journal
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/gabymonson/journal

The new topic is treatment with Interferon and Riboviron for Hepatitis C. Older topics were giving care while family members were sick and dying, grief support, owning a yarn store, losing our son Todd to cancer at the age of 7 1/2, loosing our son John to a pulmonary embolism, and loosing 3 more children to various causes and preparing a house for sale when you do not want to do it and relying on Jesus for everything!

Stay tuned and let me know that you are there and interested.
God bless you!

Wow how time flies

It occurred to me how I haven't posted in a very long time. It's not that nothing has happened, but perhaps because I felt that no one was reading this anyway. But in case you are reading it and would like to be updated, and of course, to give myself a platform to share our lives and thoughts with, I'll start up again.

You won't be reading anything about Yarn Lady any longer, because that time in our lives is over and like it or not, we have moved on. We miss the many friends we made through YL, but friends are forever, right?

Caitlyn and her parents were here this summer and we had great times together and a very tearful goodbye. There are still signs of her presence around our house which I can't remove until they come back and create new ones. We miss them so.

Dutch has had his share of episodes from having cancer removed from his ear, to just recently having a tooth pulled to having his pulse go way high, to just having water seep from his arm. Although he has gone downhill a lot, he is still with us, and we enjoy and thank God for each day that He gives us.

I have to get used to sharing again... and there is so much to catch up on.

Right now we have to figure out what might sound good for Dutch to have for dinner. He has no appetite but has to eat something nutritious and without salt. He has never been one to experiment with food, and at this time in his life, he's not to keen on starting with different versions of things. Perhaps some finger food? Sweet potato oven baked fries? A salad?

Stay tuned......

Diving off the High Platform

BREATHE!!
That's what I keep telling myself.

We have been so busy these last weeks. First Dutch's cousin Marvin came from Iowa just because, then our favorite son in law came from Kansas to hook us up with a Mac so we can video chat with them (I know..... they make cameras for the PC as well, it was just time for an upgrade and we talked ourselves right into this one), then my favorite sister Birgit came from Seattle. Great times were had with everyone, thankfully not at the same time.

I've already told you about some of this and I've talked about Dutch's "newest adventures" with his heart. This just means more trips to the hospital to keep tabs on him, but not as an inpatient, but like today, for tests and check-ups. It keeps me on my toes and from getting bored. (ha!!)

We are so thankful that Dutch is doing so well although his strength varies from day to day. The doctor told him he needs to walk, so he refuses the wheelchair and insists on walking. Good for him, actually!!! If you remember, he had some trauma to his groin after the last angioplasty and because of it's location, we are still trying to get that to heal completely. We have a wonderful home visiting nurse who comes to help me with his care
. When she was working on him recently, I said: hold still, I want to get a picture!!

As you can see, we got a PICTURE!!!
All in good fun of course and it was great to get a huge laugh out of it when I showed her the picture today.

On the store front, we are down to less than two weeks!! We can't even believe that. There are still so many details to consider and take care of and remember and I am so thankful that Dutch is still here and his mind is clear, so he can have a part in it. We have sold a lot of our cabinets already but still have all of our wonderful Plexiglas units left. The new owners can't use them and it is such a shame because they were custom built with much care and love. I have a sneaking suspicion that they might wind up in our garage. Many of the book shelves are going to a new book store and we are so happy about that. Now we still need to find good homes for the remaining ones. It is so very strange to walk around the store and see how empty it is. It seems like it was just yesterday when we moved in.
On the 30th the walls are coming down and I'm sending out word to anyone who would be willing to help unscrew a lot of screws.









And you wonder what diving off the high platform has to do with all of this? The other day, when I was on overwhelm, I thought this must be what it is like to dive off the high platform and hold your breath too soon and then run out of air before you even hit the water. But God is our refuge and our strength and He supplies me with all the air I need.
Aren't we blessed?

Counting Down, Praising God!

This past weekend we were blessed to have our favorite son-in-law here for a few days. He meant to stay just a couple of days but then talked himself into staying longer because he was able to score some Laker tickets from a friend. Bottom line is, now we have a brand new Apple computer installed to run alongside our ailing PC. There is a learning curve for me as we jump from our "old" programs to several upgrades later and all the changes that were made and I don't know yet. I find that I love to learn and this will be fun for me... in my spare time.

Dutch is feeling great these days. This morning he woke up and said: "I am such a miracle!!!" And so he is. We cherish each day and enjoy it to the hilt. The counting down in my header refers to our business, not Dutch's time here on earth. We are just a few weeks away from closing our store and turning it over to the new owners. We can't even begin to share with you the emotions we feel regarding closing the store, but we rejoice in what God has for us next and especially in how well Dutch is feeling right now.

So at the end of the day what is there left to say but PRAISE THE LORD!!

To gamble or not to gamble?

On Good Friday, Dutch "decided" to add yet another bit of excitement to our lives. After a wonderful breakfast with friends he wanted to go to bed as soon as we got home because he wasn't feeling too well. I thought nothing of it and tucked him in. An hour later, he woke up with: "I still don't feel so well" and my mind went over the instructions from doctors that I could remember. What do I see the nurses do? Take his blood sugar in case that's out of whack, and take his blood pressure. His blood pressure was fine but his pulse was 156. Well THAT didn't sound right and I proceeded to silent prayers and mental checklists and, OK, NOW what do I do?

The nurse who comes to do wound care was just a few minutes away from coming for her biweekly visit, so I met Vicky at the door with: "his pulse is 156". She took it again and came up with basically the same number and told me to call the doctor. Laura from the Doctor's office said to bring him in and the question was, do I take him the 45 minutes to Scripps or the 25 minutes to Mission Hospital? After a check on traffic with the help of our daughter, we decided to head for Scripps. With Vicky helping me get Dutch ready and Niqua on the phone with the traffic report, we got out the door in just a few minutes and hoped there weren't too many cops on the road to San Diego. During the Urgent Care visit, his pulse went down again on its own and didn't require any intervention. PTL!!!

Turns out he was in Arterial Fibrillation which put us on another roller coaster ride, just in case we didn't already have enough fun with his other issues. Since he can't have the standard treatments for this, the idea now is to prevent any further occurrences. So he has to take meds to prevent it and I have to get him to a hospital quickly in case he does have another episode.

So the question is: Scripps or Mission?
Today he is trying to make plans to visit the kids in Kansas City sometime or go on some other trip. Now how do you do that when the question on the table is Scripps or Mission? 25 minutes or 45 minutes away from a hospital? Or to put it another way: Stress out or trust God?
Stay tuned........

The irony is that he looks and sounds and feels better than he has.....

Happy Easter!!

It's Easter! A time when we can look to an empty cross and a risen Saviour and know that our debt is paid and the seperation between God and man has been bridged and all we need to do is to accept this free gift!

We are excited to be celebrating that and to look back on a week or more of recovery for Dutch and a time of feeling much better and regaining some of his strength. He just went to bed for his nap and as usual we completed for each other the wish to "sleep tight, dream something beautiful, Praise the Lord!" and he said: why don't you write about that?

He reached his goal to make it to our anniversary! Praise the Lord! We had a lovely day and went out for dinner that evening. No nothing fancy at all- we didn't even get dresssed up. It was all about the mile stone and having a Blooming Onion!!! Truth be told, we ordered garlic mashed potatoes as one of the side dishes and couldn't eat it because it was soooooooo salty!! Being on a salt reduced diet sure makes everything taste salty! But we had a good time and will carry that memory with us.

Then we had a wonderful surprise: Dutch's cousin Marvin came for a visit from Forest City, Iowa. Marvin sometimes delivers Winnebago motorhomes to dealers and found himself in California and swung down for this visit. We had a wonderful time together. What a gift of love to make time in his life to spend with us!

Today I have an announcement to make. It seems that we have found a buyer for our store! The paperwork isn't signed yet, so I'm ever cautiously saying it seems..... but hopefully it's all true and Yarn Lady will go on to new heights and continue to be a place where everyone knows your name. It is bitter sweet for us of course. An era has come to an end and God is prying yet another finger loose from the things I grasp tightly. I will share with our friends on the Yarn Lady Buzz blog now so you can go there to read more.

Close to our mile stone

Dutch has had one immediate goal: to make it to our 42nd anniversary. He's almost there. Our anniversary is tomorrow. His next mile stone is to make it until Caitlyn comes out for a visit.

Last week we weren't so sure that he would make his goals. This week looks better.

Last week brought us to the hospital at 2 in the morning because he was bleeding internally. He had already been struggling and there were signs that he might be bleeding. On Friday I called the doctor's office and the nurse told me to bring him in. Well it didn't seem THAT urgent to me, so I gave him a shower, took one myself, made sure everything was taken care of around the house and then we set off down the road. Dutch wanted me to stop and buy him some nachos and he was happily munching on them as we hit about the halfway point to the hospital. Looking at him, I couldn't think what I would tell the folks in Urgent Care why I was bringing him in. So we turned around and went back home. I hadn't slept more than an hour or two at a time for the last two days, so I thought if we could get a few more hours of sleep at home that would be a good thing.

Although we went to bed, there was no sleep and by midnight Dutch was sitting on the toilet hugging a bucket and this time there was no doubt that I needed to take him to the hospital. We were soon admitted to ICU and I spent what was left of that night "sleeping" on a chair, as I did the following two nights. It's always a bit of a challenge to get permission to stay with him. I'm met with raised eyebrows and: "You know, the rules are..." when I inform them that I stay with him 24/7. Usually it doesn't take long though until the nurses see that I can be of help and try to stay out of their way. After 3 days in ICU Dutch was transferred to a regular floor for another two days. One day on one floor, another day on another.

Our first day in ICU brought all the preparations for a Colonoscope. If you've ever had one, you know that he was supposed to drink a huge bottle of foul tasting water. After the first two glasses of it, Dutch dug in his heels and refused to drink any more! To make his point perfectly clear, he began vomiting. Doctors came up with another plan (wish I had know that when I had to drink that jug). The nurses even came up with a "poop bag" for him to wear where the poop could be suctioned off because he was too weak to make it to the potty. Great idea!! He could sleep through what would have been countless runs to the toilet. When they had to remove that bag, he wasn't so sure that it had been a good idea! I told him: Look, now you know what women go through to get a wax job!

An Endoscope and Colonoscope done on Sunday morning showed no active bleeding but did show 4 spots in his colon that could have been bleeding. Countless blood tests over the next 5 days showed him loosing blood but it was never determined for sure where it came from. He was given 5 (FIVE!!) units of blood!

I'm making light of this but of course it was anything but funny. What did happen was very precious to us. Again we got to spend every minute of every day and every night together. All the things that normally fill our minds were gone and all we had was each other. To pass the time and to take his mind off things we again told each other stories from our lives that perhaps we had never shared with each other. Or just memories that we had. Or things we are thinking about. Or things from the Bible. We had our first real Bible study together. Just a little nugget to think about. The other day we wondered if we had a wish, what would it be, and discovered that as we love Jesus with all of our hearts, minds and souls, our wishes are fulfilled.

In ICU we had a wonderful room, facing the ocean overlooking Torrey Pines Golf Course in La Jolla. In the distance we watched parasailers float in the air. It reminded us of when Todd watched birds flying in a storm and declared that they were not fighting to stay afloat but just sailing along with the wind. From there we were transferred to a dingy room. But it was a single room that we were given after much pleading from me. Please give us a private room, but don't charge us extra for it...... and they got me a cot to sleep on. Such luxury!!!! Then we heard rumors of being transferred and the cot went with me to make sure I had it that night as well.

I have been able to keep my mind on the Lord and we both know that the prayers of many are holding us up. Everything is under control. My little notebook is always out and I write down everything that happens. I have spreadsheets and medication lists and medical records and reports of blood tests. We have accepted what is happening and hope to be an inspiration to others. And then a nurse and a doctor didn't give me an update when I wanted it, and I LOST it. What a lesson that was! It showed me that I wasn't placing my trust where it belonged, but I was fine as long as I was "in control".

Today we went to the harbor again and Dutch felt well enough to walk behind his wheelchair for a little while before getting in it and having me wheel him around. Great exercises for me!. After a stop for groceries, he was exhausted and now is sleeping again. Today is the first time he is walking unassisted. he has been wobbly on his feet and even had PT at the hospital to help him walk better.

When we were at the hospital, one of our Pastors and his wife made the long trek to see us. It's always hard to know if we want company or not, but when we get company it is always so much appreciated and enjoyed. Last night we spent several hours with the neighbors again. Dutch was wiped out afterwards, but with a smile on his face. Bob and Gretchen came to see us at the hospital and we spent a lovely time together in our dungeon of a room. But it goes to show that the surroundings don't matter as much as the company.

Dutch and I talk about things that were and that might be- the other day he thought it would be a good idea for us to go through pictures and look for ones that could be shown at his memorial service. We already have our cemetery plots side by side. "Will you be on the left or right?" He pays little attention to things that would have normally captivated him. Truly the things on earth are becoming strangely dim.... I mentioned something that I might be doing after he is gone and it surprised him to think that I would be going on without him. Somehow he thought I wouldn't be far behind.... This morning I had to give in to my tears. It's all too weird and I can't wrap my mind around not having him with me. On the way out of the hospital he asked the guy who was wheeling him, if the hospital had a morgue and was satisfied when he heard they did.....

So now he's really wiped out and I need to be ready for what he might need when he wakes up. Tomorrow is our anniversary. He would like a blooming onion! And perhaps just a zip of wine to celebrate.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide andlong and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this lovethat surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measureof all the fullness of God. -- Ephesians 3:17-19 http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Ephesians+3:17-19