Merry Christmas from Dutch and Gaby

Love Personified

We have been given many gifts this past year. God has graciously granted us another year with each other and although we have had many experiences with doctors and hospitals, Dutch is still with us. The economy is very bad for us as it might be for some of you. Our dreams of passing our store on to someone else don’t seem to be coming true and we must close the curtain on what was and is a great experience. The kids are happy in their new surroundings and although they, too have experienced some bumps in the road, we are all rejoicing because we know that we are in the Hands of God. When the storms rage in our lives, God seems to reach down and say: “Peace! Be still!”

As I sit here writing this letter, a storm is raging outside of our walls. The rain is pouring down and the wind is howling.
I thank God for the protection of the walls around me, knowing that many at this time do not have such protection.
I thank God for warmth, knowing that many are cold at this very moment.
I thank God for food, knowing that we have abused it and that so many multitudes are hungry.
I thank God for family and friends, knowing that many souls are lonely and without support.
But mostly, I thank God for Jesus, who truly is love personified. When God created everything, He also created us in the image of Himself. He didn’t create us as slaves, but with a free will so that we might choose to love Him. We all have fallen short of that goal and this sin now separates us from His love. But God didn’t stop there. To show His love to us again, He came to redeem us and bridge the gap between Himself and us. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16) He took the punishment we deserve on Himself because the debt is more than anyone could pay.
And we have the choice to accept this, the greatest Christmas Gift……. or not.
May the Prince of Peace reign in your heart this Christmas!
With much love,
Duane and Gaby Monson
http://sayhitojesusforme.blogspot.com/

Luke:1- 46And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, 49for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name. 50His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.

Walking that fine line

We had just pulled out of the parking lot of the hospital when Dutch announced that he had pain in his chest. I asked if he wanted me to turn around and of course he said no. I kept asking him how he was feeling and after a while he said the pain had gone away. We decided that it must have been from pulling himself up on the seat of our SUV. So having the nurses discharge instructions still in my ear, that he should not do anything strenuous, I now worried about him walking up the stairs to our bedroom that night. I had been planning to put one of the beds from upstairs into our little downstairs office, so when he can't walk the stairs, he would have a place to sleep. Dutch has been strongly opposed to that because he wants to be in his own bed.

In our 41 years of marriage we have followed God's admonition that the husband leads and the wife follows. Some people think this to be degrading, but it's not. We are partners. The buck stops with the husband, that's all. When we got home from the hospital, I put out an urgent call for help getting the bed downstairs. That did not go over well with Dutch! Help came it seems within minutes and the bed was downstairs! (Thanks, Mike for doing it, thanks Henry and the others for offering). Dutch was NOT happy and our evening did not end well. But the bed is downstairs and ready for his use whenever he might need it.

After my own little pity party I again realized how difficult it is for Dutch to be loosing more and more control over his body and his environment. He shared with me again today how he can't understand why all of this is happening to him when he is so young. (Only 73 years old!!!) He is just so tired of always having me hover over him and at the same time he's so thankful that I do. There are so many conflicting emotions.

Today I worried that he was getting congested. Pneumonia could kill him. A cold could turn into that. YIKES!! At the hospital they were wondering if he had had his flu shot of course, (yes) and if he had had a pneumocokia (sp???) shot against pneumonia. I had no idea. He thinks that he did have one three years ago at a grocery store. After several calls to different places, I still could not verify that this was true. The nurses told me that he should have the shot, but not if he had it within the last 5 years. So we were in between: he should really have it to protect him and he should not have it because it could be dangerous for him given his situation. God please give us wisdom!!! Bottom line is he didn't get it. Probably good, given his sniffles today.

Called the doctor's office and told them about his congestion. They wanted a chest x-ray. Just got the word that it was negative..... as I hear him coughing upstairs.

Never a dull moment, but through it all we know that God is watching over us. Isn't that just the greatest???

Another Angiogram

About three months ago, Dutch had 3 stents placed in the arteries of his heart. Last Monday he had to go back and have another Angiogram to check on the status of the stents. Because of his liver disease he is prone to bleeding. Because of this the cardiologists can't follow the normal protocol of blood thinners to keep scarring of the stents at bay.

We didn't approach this procedure with much apprehension because he had been through it before and knew what to expect. What happened last time was that they used a drill bit to clear out plaque to open the artery because he can't have open heart surgery. After the procedure, I was ushered down a long hallway into a small waiting room and told to wait here for the doctor. Well I sat in the regular waiting room and I saw plenty of doctors come out and talk to families and give them whatever news there was to give, right there in front of everyone. Here I was, being ushered into this secluded private little room and I thought: oh no! this can't be good!!! I waited there for what seemed to be forever and went through all of the emotional ups and downs, trying to prepare myself for the bad news I knew was coming. All of a sudden the doctor bounced in, all smiles and gave me GOOD news. I was so prepared for bad news that the good news almost seemed harder to take.

So on Monday, again I was ushered into this little waiting room. This time though, I was not going to assume the worst! Another family joined me to wait for their report. The doctor bounced in and reported on Dutch and then I stepped outside to give the other family some privacy. When they came to get me so I could go up to the room with Dutch I was just outside the door and missed them!! All these little details add to the emotional stress that is already going on and kind of gets your head spinning.

The doctor reported that they had, indeed, found scarring on the stents and had to use balloons to open the arteries again. Dutch later reported that this was painful and felt to him like he was having a heart attack. He knows that we have to do this again in three months and told me this morning that he was now a bit scared to have it done. No fun!! The doctors chose

not to repair the third artery which still has blockage because to do so would require blood thinners, which at this time would not be good for him to have.

When I caught up with Dutch in the ICU this is what I found. They had placed a towel over his eyes to shield him from the bright lights. He was on nitroglycerin for the pain in his chest. They told me that this would give him a headache. Turns out it also made his blood pressure go extremely low. The nurses came running and they called the doc on duty, but it all got better when they lowered the nitro, gave him a shot for pain and gave him some potassium. Just a little more excitement.

I always stay with Dutch 24/7 when he is in the hospital. I love doing it and there is no amount of nursing care that can respond to all his requests for more blankets, urinals and whatever else. Besides, he was HUNGRY!! Of course a chair, even a semi-recliner is no place to spend the night, so the next day found me pretty cross eyed!

Long story short, he was discharged around 2 the next day and we both looked forward to getting home into our own beds!

Self Image

Have you ever tried to take a picture of yourself? Here is the one I took of us while we were out for a little walk. My arms just aren't long enough and my chin is never in the right place. And if I try to smile..... well you can just forget it! I was called back to have my driver's licence picture retaken one day. I asked why it had to be retaken and was told that my eyes were closed. I lined up and assumed the pose and they said: "SMILE!!" I told them right away that they had a choice: I could smile or I could open my eyes. I can't do both!

It's a good thing we have a good self image. You do have to live up to certain standards so they don't call you a bum, but I have to admit that all the trappings of fashion don't do much for me. I know that Jesus loves me and that's good enough for me.

Friends

Every day is a blessing. If you get to spend it with a friend, how much greater the blessing?! Sid lives across the street and he and his wife often come to "chew the fat". Sid even made a wooden bench for Dutch to sit on while they chat.

As we approach the gift giving season and we all worry about how much money we don't have to spend on gifts, it occur ed to me that our most precious gift is that of our time and of ourselves. What is more important in our day?

At church I am surrounded by friends who show their love in so many ways and who take time out of their busy schedules to pray for us! What a huge gift!

Changing Things

Halloween for this year has come and gone, but I did want to share what we did. I don't like Halloween. No matter what the origins and no matter how cute the little kids are in their costumes, knowing all of the sinister things that go with it or that it has turned into, just really turns me off.

I don't like skeletons and ghosts and weird sounds and all of that.

Our pastor suggested that instead of turning our backs on Halloween, we should use the opportunity for good. He suggested that we get out into our front yards to give out the candy and get to know our neighbors and turn it into a time of fellowship.

So this year again, we did just that. I hauled our lawn chairs from the back yard into our driveway and set up a table with hot cider and hot coffee and baked a few batches of cookies. I put a bunch of candles on a rack (securely in glass containers so we wouldn't accidentally start a fire) to shed some light on the scene. We were blessed with a balmy evening but it would have worked in the cold as well....

The neighbors came and we had a great time with each other as well as all of the folks who came trick-or-treating.


Jesus replied, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the other commands and all the demands of the Prophets are based on these two commandments."

Matthew 22:37,39-40

To Plan or Not to Plan.....

OK, so I was looking for a picture of a bathroom but I can only find this one of our broken toilet.

When I talk about planning I mean Dutch's future care needs. When we were caring for his mother, we ripped out the shower in the downstairs bathroom and put in a better one, complete with a seat for her to sit on, handle bars to grab on to and a shower curtain rather than doors so we could help her better. When my brother was caring for our mother, he too was making changes to the bathroom to accommodate her needs.

Sounds like a good plan, doesn't it? Not to my husband it doesn't!! At this point he doesn't see the need. Planning for more dependency takes away hope. So I fly by his wingtip, trusting that God will do the planning for me and that it will fall into place when the time comes. The Lord is my refuge and my strength. In whom then shall I be afraid..... (I add: of WHAT then shall I be afraid...)

Count your Blessings, count them one by one...

It's almost been a year since our kids moved to Kansas City. We miss them a whole lot, but we are happy that they are happy and that they love where they are.

I am thankful to still have Dutch with me. Our time is measured and becomes more precious each day.

I'm thankful for our staff who make it possible for us to be home with each other by taking care of everything business related.

I'm thankful for friends and family who help, encourage and support us in every way.

Most of all, I'm thankful to the Lord, for strength and faith and guidance and hope for each day.

How blessed we are!

Store Sale

In August we had yet another party interested in buying our store. The excitement has been great ever since because there is hope that the store will go on and you will continue to have a place to come for the best in yarns, for fellowship and for learning.

It is now November and we are not a single step closer to knowing what will happen. This is a huge lesson in patience and about God's timing. All I know is that His timing is perfect.

Perception and Understanding

While Niqua was out for a visit, I was happy that we had a doctor's appointment at Scripps. I wanted her to see where everything is and how it works and to get to meet at least one of the doctors. We met with the doctor who put in the heart stents a few weeks back.

I am always careful to make sure I understand everyting correctly and am known for having my notebook out so I can make notes and I am not shy about asking questions just to make sure I get it right.

The question came up if and when Dutch should have the hole in his heart repaired. Niqua got into the conversation just to make sure that SHE understood. When we left and talked about what just happened, we both had a very different recollection about what the doctor had just said. Go figure!! One thing is for sure: Dutch has an appointment on Decmeber 1st for an Angiogram to check on his stents. While in there, they may also have a look at the one arterie that is still blocked but has not yet been fixed. The question on the table is, should the hole be fixed and should the arterie be fixed, given the advanced stage of his liver disease.

While we were there, we talked to the nurse in the Gastrologist's office. Dutch had some questions and she took a lot of time trying to answer them. The one that is always foremost on his mind, is why he is not a candidate for a liver transplant. I know they call this the bargaining stage of grief, but it's hard to hear your husband plead for his life.

Happy Birthday, Dutch

So Dutch gave up having birthdays 10 years ago when he had his ultimate birthday present: our Granddaughter! Yes, that's right. Niqua had asked Dutch what he wanted for his birthday and he said: well you could have that baby early.... and she did!!

Niqua was out for a visit recently so we all went shopping. No, not for Dutch of course, but for Caitlyn! Happy 10th Birthday, Caitlyn! (That's her Mama there, trying on some shoes for herself as well...)

Lemonade

You know the saying: When life gives you lemons....

We have this puny little lemon tree in our back yard. I haven't taken care of it well enough for it to really produce, but it does have a few lemons on it. One day Dutch decided that he should have some lemonade. Now we have lived here for over 7 years but this is the first time he has paid any attention to this tree and its fruit!




We love sitting in our backyard. Don't let the heavy jacket fool you! It was quite warm when this picture was taken but DUtch is always cold and loves to wear his battered old jacket.
There is a "forever" view and the birds catch an updraft right beyond our fence and we can watch them soar! It is so interesting to see them glide with the wind, often not even moving a feather.

When our 7 year old son lay dieing (how DO you spell that???) there was a storm outside our window and to pass the time I talked with him about how the birds must have to fight to stay aloft in that wind. He answered: "They are not fighting, they are just sailing along with the wind!" Funny how now, again we love to watch the birds just sailing along with the wind.

The Gift of Mobility

So I told you before that our friend Judy gave us a wheelchair and a walker. We haven't had to use the wheelchair yet, but the walker is coming in very handy! It sure is giving Dutch the confidence to walk a few steps further because now he doesn't have to worry about making it back.

Thank you so much for your prayers for us, our family and for our store! In case you haven't seen our store, I put a little video clip on YouTube where I take you on a tour. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3zD92I1C14

Since we can't be the proud parents any longer and take care of things as we ought, we are looking for new parents to nurture and guide our "baby". We love to look back and see the road that God has taken us on; all the things He taught us along the way and all of the friendships that were forged. We trust with confidence that He has a plan for not only our future but for our employees and the store itself. Stay tuned! We will have lots to praise God for.

Nutrition? and musings about our store

Not paying much attention to nutrition and what foods are good for you, got us into the situation we are in. For me, heart problems and diabetes and overweight and for Dutch all of that plus cirrhosis brought on by all of that.

So watching sugar and salt in our diet has really become important now. Like covering the well after the baby fell in, but important nonetheless. So this morning we sat and looked up different things online and just pulled some of our favorite staples out of the cupboard and refrigerator and looked at the labels so we could learn. Very interesting!! Of course the first thing you learn is that you shouldn't eat most of the stuff you like and that you really need to train your taste buds to appreciate new things. So here we go on that adventure. Wish us well!

Had an appointment with our main Gastro Doc yesterday and we made it home without Dutch landing in the hospital. YEAH!!! He also said that there was no rush for me to get treated for my Hep C.

DOUBLE YEAH!! Praise the Lord!! I know I have to be treated eventually, but buying some time for that was a relief!

We are hoping that we are getting closer to finding a buyer for our store. We went there on Sunday to have a look around. When I'm home and away from the store, it's easier to say we are selling the store and passing it on to someone new. When I'm there and see everything, the memories come flooding back and it's harder to let go. I even found myself looking at nails and screws my brother Tom put into a partition he built for us. The memories are overwhelming, but wonderful. We have so much to be thankful for.

In the break room hangs a picture depicting hands and of course they are meant to remind us that we are in God's hands. This picture was given to us when our son was dieing and it meant so much to me then. I hung it in the store a long time ago, so we would always know that we are in God's hands. Now I'm torn if I should leave it hanging there for staff and future owners to remember, or if I should take it home. All these decisions!

We have made so many friends through the store over the years and have been so blessed by it. We have been able to support and spread a craft that gives you so many hours of pleasurable therapy. When you know how to knit and crochet... well you know what I'm trying to say. Yesterday at the doctor's office, there were a lady and her 12 year old daughter. I was working on a pair of socks and the daughter got all excited because she wanted to learn so bad! I showed her how to cast on and we were just starting on the first knit row when we were called in and we had to put the knitting away. I'm hoping that her enthusiasm will continue and she will seek out other teachers from whom she can learn.

Times are bad, but God is good. We are so blessed!

Dutch 101308

We are so excited! Dutch has lasted a whole week feeling real good and most of all, NO hospital visits!!! Praise The Lord!!

The doctors are again encouraging him to walk more, so they gave a prescription for a walker. The thinking is that if he has a walker, he will feel more secure when he walks. Just as we were looking into getting one, our dear friend Judy from church offered us her mother's walker just shortly after her mother passed (THANK YOU Judy!!) and not only her walker but her wheelchair as well. The walker works great and even has a seat on it so Dutch can sit and rest and not worry about venturing too far and not be able to make it back. We haven't used the wheelchair yet, but I know it will come in handy when we have to go on any errands. When we go to Costco of course, we use their motorised wheelchair, that I way I don't have to push him.

We still love to go down to the harbor to sit and to walk. Today it's a bit windy so we'll see. Last week we went for a blood test to check on his hemaglobin numbers. We see the doctor on Wednesday for the results. Of course I always have a copy sent to us, so I already know that he seems to be holding his own. Or at least he was when the test was taken.

In a week Niqua is coming out for a few days and we can't hardly wait. We were supposed to go to a retreat with our church while Niq is here, but I don't want to leave Dutch alone. If he's feeling good that day, we will perhaps go up for the day.

New Blood

Perhaps I already said it, but I would like to say it again:
THANK YOU to the person(s) who donated blood. Dutch is feeling much better since the blood transfusion. We so appreciate that someone took the time and made the effort, not to mention being stuck with a needle, to give of themselves (!!!) to donate to someone else. God bless you, we appreciate it!

38 years ago someone else donated blood for ME! As it turned out, testing was not what it is today and I contracted Hepatitis C from this transfusion. But you don't hear me complaining. I am still thankful! Because they gave, I'm alive today. How cool is that!?

Dutch first week of October 2008

This picture is of the white board in our room at the hospital. Did you notice I said our room? YES!! They were able to give us a private room again. It makes it sooo much easier!! Anyway, this, believe it or not is a drawing of Dutch's brain. Doctors here like to draw pictures for you to explain things... What he was showing us was that Dutch has some lesions all over his brain, but they are not evidence of a stroke.





At our church there is a quilt ministry. The ladies will take name from the prayer list and make quilts for them. As they tie the knots, a group of them will sit and pray for the person the quilt is for. Dutch loves it when I bring this quilt to the hospital because then he knows that he is covered in prayer. Praise God!







Since I am always the one taking pictures, I thought perhaps I should turn the camera on myself. Having been discharged and just waiting for the last paperwork, we got a bit silly. Now you can see I had to make sure I got my chin in the air, so my many double chins wouldn't be in the picture!
Dutch is sensitive to light, so sitting there all dressed up with HOME to go to, he sported his glasses. Doesn't he look cool?






We thank you so much for your prayers. How blessed we are!

Mary and Martha

Dutch and I are real close and are accustomed to and love to spend time with each other. Having been retired for a while now, we never seem to be far apart. This is even more the case now that he is going through these medical problems. There is LOTS to do around the house but I always have Dutch's "Can you come and sit with me?" in my ear. I remember when his mother was living with us, and all she wanted was for me to sit and "visit" with her. I did, but with one foot out the door. Now in retrospect I often think what it would have hurt if I had been more patient with her.

The Bible talks about Mary and Martha. Mary would sit at Jesus' feet and listen, while Martha was busy in the kitchen and resented Mary for not helping. I have to say that much of my life I have been Martha and sooo wanted to be Mary.

Thanks to the faithfulness of our staff at the store, I can be Mary and sit with Dutch through thick and thin, and leave all responsibilities at the door. We cherish this time together and are so thankful for it. Who among us knows how much time we have left? To have an illness where you know that your days are numbered are truly a gift. It makes you savor the moment and appreciate what you have.

Luke 10:38-42

At the Home of Martha and Mary 38As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Another week, another trip to the hospital

On Wednesday the first of October, we had a scheduled appointment with the liver specialist at Scripps. That morning, I had noticed when Dutch went down the stairs that his left foot was dragging ever so slightly. I'm sure he was not aware of it. On the way to the appointment, Dutch was feeling so poorly, that he asked me to stop en route. We stopped at a restaurant so he could use the restroom. Walking back to the car, he stopped and doubled over saying he was just so out of gas!! (energy). I was so thankful that we were already on the way to the hospital. Dutch even agreed to being placed in a wheelchair to get from the car to the doc's office.

Once in front of the doctor, I told the doc about him dragging his foot that morning so the doc did the reflex exams and found the reflex on his left leg to be "hyper". Since there was the possibility that Dutch had suffered a mild stroke (Doc: you really feel crappy, don't you??) and that it is possible that a hole in the heart can contribute to a stroke, the gastro doc conferred with the cardiologist and they decided that Dutch should be admitted to the hospital. Long story, lots of tests later, they found no evidence of a stroke although he may have had a small TIA. His hemoglobin was 8.8 so they decided to give him a blood transfusion. That night he had an explosive dark stool (possible evidence of a bleed) and vomited, so the question was once again if he was bleeding.

Long story short, after sitting one night on a chair and the second night with a few winks on a cot (PTL!!) we are home. Had a good shower and a great night's sleep. Dutch's first thoughts this morning with a big smile were that I had better pack the suitcase again, just in case... :-)))

Today he's feeling great and enjoying his Iowa football game. We're again thankful for all of your prayers and your love. We're also again thankful for the great care we received at the hospital. ok, so now I have to read all of the discharge instructions and the change of meds and give him his meds. I have a bunch of over ripe bananas, so I'm thinking some banana bread might be on the horizon. Don't need to be constipated, so I might add some baby food prunes. Never did that before, so we'll see. (Trying hard to make adjustments to our diet to limit sugar, salt and protein and of course, portion sizes)
Whew!!!

Hope

"You have to have hope!"

No matter what the doctors say and no matter what the internet says when you look up the disease the doctor says you have. You have to have hope.

Every so often Dutch asks me if he is doing better, hoping that I will say yes and that his disease is going away. To find encouraging words in light of a dim outlook.... I remember when our son Todd faced the same thing. After his surgeries to remove cancer from his body, we would tell him: "Now see? You will get a little bit better each day!" When we knew he was dying, we told him: " Now you will get all the way better. You are going home with Jesus!"

The other day our Pastor talked on something to do with labor pains. It occurred to me some time last week, that dying is like birth pangs as well. For some it goes quickly, for some it is drawn out, for some the time is precious, for others, painful. But in every case of the believer, what is at the end of the labor is a new life.

Psalm 62:5Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.Psalm 62:4-6 (in Context) Psalm 62 (Whole Chapter)

Isaiah 40:31but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.Isaiah 40:30-31 (in Context) Isaiah 40 (Whole Chapter)

Romans 5:3-5

3Not only so, but we[a] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 12:12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.Romans 12:11-13 (in Context) Romans 12 (Whole Chapter)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.Romans 15:12-14 (in Context) Romans 15 (Whole Chapter)

Dutch 092708

When we were first married, Dutch went crazy and along with a buddy he bought a boat. That's a whole other story. But ever since, we do have a love for boats and the being on the water.

So today we love to go down to the harbor to watch the boats go by and watch the fishermen. Dutch gets cold easily, so we just sat in the car with our picnic lunch and watched people. It was hot inland, so we were shrouded in fog and we could even hear the steady ...hmmmmm.. how do describe a fog horn......

Dutch felt well enough to go for a little walk! You can see how he enjoyed that. Another great day to be thankful for!

Dutch in Hospital

I wanted to share some pictures I took of Dutch in the hospital. The first night I "slept" next to his bed on a chair where the back reclined a bit. The room mate in the other bed asked to be moved to another room. Not because we didn't get along- we DID! They were very nice people, but they, too were more comfortable with some privacy. So Dutch and I had the room to ourselves. My mind was in a whirlwind and I never could shut it down, so it really didn't matter where I was. I did think of going home for the night but was glad that I stayed when Dutch had an "accident" and I could be there to help the nurse with the cleanup.

The next day nurses kept telling me that I needed to take care of myself and at one point, one of them wheeled a cot to our door for me to use that night, if we didn't get a room mate. That evening news arrived that we were being transfered to a private room. YEAH!! Bring in the cot! I'm going to get some sleep!

Dutch 091108

Hi everyone,

Thank you EVER so much for your offer to help in any way. It is so very much appreciated.

As it is, I really don't know what to ask for. Today we really needed to rest. Dutch got a lot of it, I am too wired and couldn't sleep. Hopefully tonight. Both of us and Dutch especially, are on a diabetic and salt free diet (not that we totally adhere to it) so I don't know what meals would be easy to fix. I am experimenting in my old age and trying to cook from scratch to eliminate added salt and sugars. Who knew they were in EVERYTHING!! It's kind of fun and Dutch has been much more willing to suffer through my experiments. As we speak, I am trying my hand at some tomato soup made from scratch. I'm telling you, I don't cook!! :-)))

We have a lady who is supposed to be very interested in buying our business, so we will have to gather our thoughts and prayers to move that along as much as it depends on us. There is much to do, but I just can't think what you could help me with. Having said that, you ALREADY helped beyond measure! Your prayers have meant more to us than you can possibly imagine. God has been so very faithful and present and I know your prayers have contributed to that. Yesterday I thought I would be coming home alone from the hospital and God was gracious and gave us more time. I'll talk more about that perhaps in the coming days. I have a very strong sense that this is our Gilgad and that we will be taking many stones away from here.

Need to check on my soup.

Dutch 091208

We just got home from the hospital. THANK YOU ALL for your prayers!

Dutch is VERY tired, as am I (sleeping on a pull-out chair in his room last night- or shall we say: resting- not sleeping)
I'm trying to keep it quiet so he can sleep. I made him sleep downstairs on a couch-bed I fixed up for him for that purpose, so he doesn't have to walk the stairs.

Dutch had 3 stents put in and the doctor was VERY excited/ proud of how well that went. Dutch will have to follow up with another angiogram because there is a danger of scarring because they had to use the stent without the medication attached. He has been placed on blood thinners, which causes quite a threat in him, because he already bleeds easily. It's walking that fine line between all the considerable dangers. We were told again that he could not survive surgery.

Now he also has a hole in his heart between the upper chambers (I think- I'm pretty tired and am not looking at my notes)
The hole is 7mm big. They consider that a small hole. But because it allows blood to mingle which can contribute to fluid build-up (in his condition NOT a good thing) they think it worth fixing. As it turns out, the doc that did the angioplasty is THE expert on fixing holes. In fact, Dutch will be a guinny pig (without lipstick) of sorts, because they have 400 doctors at Scripps next week and Dutch's procedure will be on a live feed to their gathering at a hotel nearby. There will also be an international panel of experts who are looking on and in instant communication with Dutch's doc. So, they say, it will be like having that panel consult at the same time.
We have gone over the risk factors/ vs. benefits and it sounds necessary/ acceptable. Yesterday they went in through an artery and for that they go in through a vein, so it is really less dangerous.

We again ask please for prayer for guidance and wisdom. We do not yet know the time but it sounds like Friday of next week. Dutch will again have to spend the night.

There is more to tell, I'm sure, but this should do for now. Because of the additional meds he has to take now, he is at increased risk for bleeding, so we ask for protection from that.

Thanks you again for all of your love and prayers. We'll keep you posted.

Dutch 091208

.................Backing off I think is a lesson that we all must learn. Of course, I think it's covered under : Be Still.. When you are involved in someone's care, it's easy to have that take over your life and pretty soon we think that WE are so important to their lives, that we even (unintentionally) push God out of the way....

.....Dutch and I both have a doctor appointment with our "regular" doctor on Thursday of next week. She wants me to have a liver biopsy which I have been putting off. I've also again had chest pain (which we will keep between us) and I have a sore spot on my breast. I know it's time for a Mammogram. So between all that and the sale (or not) of the business, not to speak of Dutch's issues, I keep thinking: what else, Lord?? Could you bring them one at a time?? And how can I take on Bible Study besides? I can still remember hearing Beth's voice when she said something to the effect of God thinking He would just take care of EVERYTHING all at once.

Dutch 091208

So today is Friday and trash pick-up day..... I decided I was way too tired last night to worry about getting the trash cans out (one regular trash, one compost and one re-cycle). This morning after sleeping in late and helping Dutch with his shower, I remembered that I needed to get the trash out.
Low and behold, there were our three trash cans neatly lined up at the curb. Now I look out and they are all put away again.

How is THAT for neighbors??? Are we blessed or what??

Dutch 091808

Tuesday morning around 2 AM Dutch woke me up with concerns that he was bleeding. Long story short, an hour or so later, we found ourselves on the road to the hospital. We had the choice of going to the local one about 15-20 minutes away or Scripps which is about 45 minutes away. We chose Scripps because that is where most of his doctors are and where they know all about him. The care there is terrific. Dutch did not feel well and suggested I pack some plastic bags.

On the way the bag came in handy as he vomited a good part of the way. Having Onstar in the car gave me the confidence to press on. I figured I could always call on them to send help to meet us.

At the hospital the doctor said I have read his entire chart, I know all bout him........... so we both felt that we had made the right decision. They almost immediately scheduled him for an endoscope (sp), found the bleed in his upper intestine and cauterized it. Because of the recent placement of stents, he underwent a battery of tests, although un-invasive to be sure that the heart was still functioning properly.

It's a long story and I don't have to tell it all. Obviously not much sleep, but this last night they gave us a private room and put a cot in it for me to sleep on. Still didn't get much but getting even some helped ever so much!

Now we're home and both very tired. Tomorrow will be a new, wonderful day and we look forward to it. Thanks to all of you who have helped and especially to Wendy for gathering stuff that we needed and Pastor Dave for delivering it to us. I have learned that I will keep a bag with my meds and clothing for both of us at the ready so we can leave at a moments notice.

Because Dutch now has to take bloodthinners after the stents were placed, it is probably expected that this will happen again.

Thank you for your prayers! God is so good. You have to see the darkness to appreciate the light.

One thing I would like to share:
The first night when I was sitting in a chair trying to turn the racing thoughts off in my mind and get comfortable enough to sleep I remember a song I learned as a child:
Weil ich Jesu Schaeflein bin, freu ich mich nun immerhin,...(forgot) ... guten Hirten, der mich wohl weiss zu bewirten.......
I am Jesus' little lamb, ever glad at heart I am, for my shepherd gently guides me, knows my name and well provides me , loves me every day the same, even calls me by my name....

and I thought if He provides well for me, what do I have to worry about?

We send our love to all of you and we'll keep you posted.

Dutch 092308

Just a friendly hello and big hug from us here.
Just wanted to share with you what I find interesting. Went to our regular doc yesterday (the one who has been treating us for many years). Dutch needed to be seen (and she is closer to home) to check on his blood levels. So we were catching her up on what's been happening and told her that the other docs don't think that Dutch can survive any surgery. We added that it's because of his liver. She said, no, not because the liver can't handle it, but his BRAIN. So there. put that in your AHA file for later consumption.

She was totally impressed with the care Dutch has received at Scripps. She (being from Ireland) said: Only in America! I hope they don't mess with the healthcare system too much!

She thought that Dutch needed some time to recoup and that I didn't need to press him for walks as long as he moves around. We have gone for short walks, but after about 100 feet he is out of breath. Last night he slept with his breathing machine on for the first time all night, so hopefully that will help him. Otherwise he often stops breathing and that is not good.
His hemoglobin is at 10, should be around 13 or higher. Which means his heart is working harder to pump more blood. Hope I understood that correctly. So we'll be off to the chiropractor soon so he can do something for his hurting shoulder.

I was so glad that I went to see him last Monday, because my chest had been hurting and of course, I was thinking heart. Anyway after seeing the Chiro, my pains went away, so as I said, I was glad that it was not the heart but my bones and that it went away before we had to go to the hospital on Tuesday. Go figure!!

Sending all our love while we're waiting for the haze to burn off so we can enjoy the sunshine.

Dutch 092508

It's 85 degrees outside. Dutch feels cold as usual and loves to wear his big jacket and cuddle in a blanket. When he went to bed (very early) tonight, he said: it's been a good day!