Close to our mile stone

Dutch has had one immediate goal: to make it to our 42nd anniversary. He's almost there. Our anniversary is tomorrow. His next mile stone is to make it until Caitlyn comes out for a visit.

Last week we weren't so sure that he would make his goals. This week looks better.

Last week brought us to the hospital at 2 in the morning because he was bleeding internally. He had already been struggling and there were signs that he might be bleeding. On Friday I called the doctor's office and the nurse told me to bring him in. Well it didn't seem THAT urgent to me, so I gave him a shower, took one myself, made sure everything was taken care of around the house and then we set off down the road. Dutch wanted me to stop and buy him some nachos and he was happily munching on them as we hit about the halfway point to the hospital. Looking at him, I couldn't think what I would tell the folks in Urgent Care why I was bringing him in. So we turned around and went back home. I hadn't slept more than an hour or two at a time for the last two days, so I thought if we could get a few more hours of sleep at home that would be a good thing.

Although we went to bed, there was no sleep and by midnight Dutch was sitting on the toilet hugging a bucket and this time there was no doubt that I needed to take him to the hospital. We were soon admitted to ICU and I spent what was left of that night "sleeping" on a chair, as I did the following two nights. It's always a bit of a challenge to get permission to stay with him. I'm met with raised eyebrows and: "You know, the rules are..." when I inform them that I stay with him 24/7. Usually it doesn't take long though until the nurses see that I can be of help and try to stay out of their way. After 3 days in ICU Dutch was transferred to a regular floor for another two days. One day on one floor, another day on another.

Our first day in ICU brought all the preparations for a Colonoscope. If you've ever had one, you know that he was supposed to drink a huge bottle of foul tasting water. After the first two glasses of it, Dutch dug in his heels and refused to drink any more! To make his point perfectly clear, he began vomiting. Doctors came up with another plan (wish I had know that when I had to drink that jug). The nurses even came up with a "poop bag" for him to wear where the poop could be suctioned off because he was too weak to make it to the potty. Great idea!! He could sleep through what would have been countless runs to the toilet. When they had to remove that bag, he wasn't so sure that it had been a good idea! I told him: Look, now you know what women go through to get a wax job!

An Endoscope and Colonoscope done on Sunday morning showed no active bleeding but did show 4 spots in his colon that could have been bleeding. Countless blood tests over the next 5 days showed him loosing blood but it was never determined for sure where it came from. He was given 5 (FIVE!!) units of blood!

I'm making light of this but of course it was anything but funny. What did happen was very precious to us. Again we got to spend every minute of every day and every night together. All the things that normally fill our minds were gone and all we had was each other. To pass the time and to take his mind off things we again told each other stories from our lives that perhaps we had never shared with each other. Or just memories that we had. Or things we are thinking about. Or things from the Bible. We had our first real Bible study together. Just a little nugget to think about. The other day we wondered if we had a wish, what would it be, and discovered that as we love Jesus with all of our hearts, minds and souls, our wishes are fulfilled.

In ICU we had a wonderful room, facing the ocean overlooking Torrey Pines Golf Course in La Jolla. In the distance we watched parasailers float in the air. It reminded us of when Todd watched birds flying in a storm and declared that they were not fighting to stay afloat but just sailing along with the wind. From there we were transferred to a dingy room. But it was a single room that we were given after much pleading from me. Please give us a private room, but don't charge us extra for it...... and they got me a cot to sleep on. Such luxury!!!! Then we heard rumors of being transferred and the cot went with me to make sure I had it that night as well.

I have been able to keep my mind on the Lord and we both know that the prayers of many are holding us up. Everything is under control. My little notebook is always out and I write down everything that happens. I have spreadsheets and medication lists and medical records and reports of blood tests. We have accepted what is happening and hope to be an inspiration to others. And then a nurse and a doctor didn't give me an update when I wanted it, and I LOST it. What a lesson that was! It showed me that I wasn't placing my trust where it belonged, but I was fine as long as I was "in control".

Today we went to the harbor again and Dutch felt well enough to walk behind his wheelchair for a little while before getting in it and having me wheel him around. Great exercises for me!. After a stop for groceries, he was exhausted and now is sleeping again. Today is the first time he is walking unassisted. he has been wobbly on his feet and even had PT at the hospital to help him walk better.

When we were at the hospital, one of our Pastors and his wife made the long trek to see us. It's always hard to know if we want company or not, but when we get company it is always so much appreciated and enjoyed. Last night we spent several hours with the neighbors again. Dutch was wiped out afterwards, but with a smile on his face. Bob and Gretchen came to see us at the hospital and we spent a lovely time together in our dungeon of a room. But it goes to show that the surroundings don't matter as much as the company.

Dutch and I talk about things that were and that might be- the other day he thought it would be a good idea for us to go through pictures and look for ones that could be shown at his memorial service. We already have our cemetery plots side by side. "Will you be on the left or right?" He pays little attention to things that would have normally captivated him. Truly the things on earth are becoming strangely dim.... I mentioned something that I might be doing after he is gone and it surprised him to think that I would be going on without him. Somehow he thought I wouldn't be far behind.... This morning I had to give in to my tears. It's all too weird and I can't wrap my mind around not having him with me. On the way out of the hospital he asked the guy who was wheeling him, if the hospital had a morgue and was satisfied when he heard they did.....

So now he's really wiped out and I need to be ready for what he might need when he wakes up. Tomorrow is our anniversary. He would like a blooming onion! And perhaps just a zip of wine to celebrate.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide andlong and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this lovethat surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measureof all the fullness of God. -- Ephesians 3:17-19 http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Ephesians+3:17-19